So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
