well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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