You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
