She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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