Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
