Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
