why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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