i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
love makes seman taste better
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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