I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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