I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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