sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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