Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize