Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
