Im at strip club and am horny
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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