never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
