i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
