What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
