just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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