If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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