What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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