ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
