This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
