you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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