nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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