is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this hospital has no fireball
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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