the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Boobs speak an international language.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
