im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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