Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
