do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
