Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
