And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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