I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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