I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
