super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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