I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
