His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
