I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
