She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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