remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
