i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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