Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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