Me. At least after what I've been through.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
