Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
