my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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