theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
