and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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