Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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