i was born a porn star she said
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
