That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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