so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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