he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
