I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
