I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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