i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
