I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
