areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
