i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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