Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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