It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
