dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
