Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
