She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
