dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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