Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
