Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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