if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
