he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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