More tranny stories later!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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