I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
