just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
