Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
