it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
