I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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