We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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