I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
