highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
