At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
