I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
