Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do herpes really smell.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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