I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
