yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
