She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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