absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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