i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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