.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Even the bartender felt bad for me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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