i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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